July 10, 2008

It's an anniversary.

Today marks 6 months since I made the commitment to change. Today is 6 months since I stepped on the scale for my first weigh-in. That is how long I have been getting my person in order. There have been successes, observances, and revelations.

There have been visible successes: 53.4 pounds gone, 6 - 8 inches off of my waist (from wearing 44s to 38s), large shirts instead of XXL, the ability to run 3 miles in 30 minutes over my lunch hour, resting blood pressure and pulse 90/50 & 45-50 beats/min instead of 120/80 & 70-80 beats/min (I am curious about my blood chemistry) and other things that come along with the physical changes.

There have been unexpected observances: being able to tie my shoes while sitting on the bed and not ready to pass out from being bent over afterwards, noticing that I cannot lie on my side with my knees together because it hurts (there is actually bone in there, who knew?) I practically bound out of bed in the mornings (once I do get up), how more space there is between me and my steering wheel (seriously) and that the body will do what it wants day to day. And there is the big one; keep reading because it falls as a observance and revelation.

And then there are the lessons learned (aka the revelations) along the way. Oh my, the lessons; where to start. Should I even start? Yes, I guess I shall because that ball is already rolling.

Cathy Zielske was making a comment about how she needs to be thinner. I understand the whole "I need to be thinner thought". I'd swear I had invented the concept. I have said for the last couple of years that I need to do something and was not going to be like this at 40. And I half-hearted tried. I meant it and started off well but in the end I just wasn't at my breaking point where I was totally committed to change. The "commitments" were temporary at best.
But this last December I turned 35. And I found myself saying that I have 5 more years to get myself together. But then over the next week or so I had a real conversation with myself realized that 5 years would essentially mean never going to happen. So I changed my statement to not be 36 and like this. I signed up on Jan 10, 2008. But this time was different and I knew it. My whole attitude about it was different and the reasons why were too. I was doing it for me. Not for my wife or for attention from other people, but for me. I was putting myself on the list of priorities. And it felt good. It still feels good to be on that list; everyday.

Also, I cannot believe how much I was eating before at a meal. While on vacation, each day I would start off with the right intentions but was off by dinner. One night I felt so bad because I ate so much at dinner that the only way I felt better was to go run a quick 9-minute mile at 10:30 PM in the hotel gym. By the time we left to come home I felt so bad physically from all of the eating out that I was ready to get back to the routine of home and my WW web tools. The experience has taught me that I have more than adapted to the plan and how much better I feel from the better food choices.
Lastly, I was looking through pictures on the computer the other night and found this:

There is a lot to say about this picture, yet at the same time there is nothing that can be said. There is no way that I was that big, but there it is. What is the phrase, the camera doesn't lie? I didn't think that is how I looked. This is what 263 looks like and it ain't pretty and wasn't happy. And I just didn't even know it. I though I was but was basing all my happiness off of others; if they were happy I was happy and if they weren't what was I not doing. I often wondered how someone can get up 300, 400, even 500 pounds and they not realize how big they are? Wouldn't they realize that they are wearing pants the size of a person (50- inch, etc). Oh, sweet irony we meet yet again. Here I was rendering a judgement yet I was 4-inches from 4 FEET AROUND and not too far from 300 myself. I have no explanations or justifications for my judgements because there simply are none. None. And nothing would be acceptable. If you are or were one of those persons, I am really sorry. You don't know me and may have never met me, but I'm sure you run into me everyday.

With that, this is a new chapter in my life.

(I know, bad picture.)

The previous chapters have been printed and are not available for editing. Not even if I wanted to. All that I can do is learn from the last 6 months and the years preceding, offer apologies to friends, my wife, and my kids and keep moving forward (onward and downward as the WW GoaDies would say). They are better than I have deserved.

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