January 02, 2009

The Senility Prayer

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
your own Easter eggs

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old
was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older
than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass
surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and
subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all
my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests. First,
she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her
ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my
daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

--- Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose Some
parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffeemaker.

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
says, "For fast relief."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of
it as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get
back up.!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow
old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

--THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to
forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to
tell the

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