Chaos and family...

So things have been crazy. Swimming lessons every night, Heather's prayer group on Monday's, my bible study on Thursday.

Then Saturday was Jackson's birthday party. We showed up; the staff didn't. So while I call into work and try to get mobile numbers and end up calling the boss of the boss of wellness and fitness services. Give her the rundown all while standing outside and loading people back into their cars to come over to our house which was not clean. Dishes were in both sides of the sink. We punted and it has all worked out.

So in the middle of this, my grandmother passed. That morning. So while we are scrambling around with the party, my mother calls with this. OK, great. Nelda was 88 and was really in bad shape because of her dementia. In a lot of ways, it is a blessing. She had no quality of life. I feel bad for my uncle. He has had to do this by himself. He is the only one left. His dad, his brother (my dad), and now his mother are all gone. I think that would be hard at any age but Don is 56.

Now the family part. We drive over to Stillwater Monday afternoon (where my uncle lives). We get over to the house and talk a little bit with my aunt and uncle and all of her family. It was nice to be around all of them again. And then there were two conversations happening in different rooms of the house and we are sitting there feeling ignored. There was no way to get involved in these conversations. Now I understand that Polly doesn't get to see her cousins much but talks to her sisters all the time. We had not been over at the house for 5 years. Then there is all of these questions about how my brother is doing (he had surgery) on his knee. I said that I really didn't know because we really don't talk. I come away feeling like the bad guy because everyone cannot understand why.

Long story short, I want Jackson and Reid to have them involved and have that in their childhood (the family gatherings) like Heather and I did, but at the same time I don't know how to make it happen. Especially with them. It is like everyone gathered around Ryan when dad died and I got dropped and I really don't know how to talk to my uncle. There are some conversations that need to happen but I just don't know what to do about it.